I often find myself spending time with my friend Polly talking about what it is like to be a transsexual in the spaces we navigate. One of the recurring topics that appear alongside discussions of transmisogyny and how fucking miserable our home city is is the fact that up until very recently there was a culture of going full time stealth amongst trans women in Copenhagen, and even the international trans community.
We constantly find ourselves wondering what our lives could have been like if we actually had a robust community of trans women who have been on hormones for a long time around us. It is honestly quite an isolating experience to transition without a robust transfeminine community filled with people who have been transitioning for longer than I have. Polly and I both have felt as though we were navigating in the blind, we did not have anyone to teach us how to navigate the world as transsexual women, we had to figure that shit out alone.
This is in essence my first argument against going stealth, community. By going stealth and cutting off other trans women from your community you end the potential generational knowledge generation that would help transfeminine women down the line. They are left to flounder and figure shit out all on their own. This also means our stories don’t get told and passed on to those who come after us, our histories are left to be recorded by people who aren’t us.
Instead of letting these stories disappear, we can come together and pass on the stories and collective knowledge that come with being in community with other people. Our lives are enriched by having others like us who can relate to our struggles, and who can guide us along our on our journeys, likewise being able to see younger generations following our footsteps, navigating the world with unsteady feet until they find their footing and can sprint alongside us is a joy to behold. I want the trans women who came before me and the trans women who came after me to have these joys, and I do not want to cut off people from experiencing this joy. Stealth is in effect a secondary closet at times, it can prevent us from forming connections with others who need it.
There is also a very material aspect to this that negatively affects trans women. As a disconnected minority, trans women are often left to navigate the world blindly, things like financial literacy, homekeeping skills, how to write a CV, are all things that a lot of trans people, especially women, are left to repeatedly figure out. If we cut off other trans women we lose the ability to share these skills.
The second major reason I object to the notion of stealth is a political one. I have recently been reading and listening to queer speechies throughout history, and I got caught up on the speeches of Harvey Milk. Within this speech he impassionately calls for the queer people of 1970’s America to come out of the closet. He calls for queer people to come out of the closet so that they can counter the propaganda about queer people that was omnipresent.
Gay brothers and sisters, what are you going to do about it? You must come out. Come out to your parents. I know that it is hard and that it will hurt them, but think of how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives. I know that it is hard and will upset them but think of how they will upset you in the voting booth. Come out to your friends. If indeed, they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors, to your co-workers, to the people who work where you eat and shop. Come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions.
He doesn’t demand people come out to everyone, or that they compromise your safety, but he asks for people to come out to trusted individuals who can be trusted, friends, loved ones, coworkers who are kind and loving. He does this with the hope that slowly and surely gay people would be associated with that kind young man who works down in accounting and brings the office donuts every Friday, or your niece who has wild hair but sits with her mother every Saturday drinking tea and talking about flowers.
This is what I hope we can one day achieve for trans people. The complexities and nuances of our interactions with other people defines how we see these people, and if all others have to go off of is the stories about trans people are those that are being told by The New York Times or The Guardian. By not going completely stealth we can shift the perspective of trans women from the negative narratives to the much more positive personal anecdotes, Like the kind girl who makes everyone tea and coffee for the monday meetings, or the librarian who helps your kid find the books on dinosaurs he really likes, or the teacher who helped that teenager realise that she has the potential to do amazing things with her life.
It is for these two reasons that I find myself never wanting to go full stealth, rather I find myself wanting to be there for others, and so despite my status as a trans woman not being the thing I define my identity around, it is still something I wear proudly on my sleeve. I truly believe that this is one of those small things I can do to improve the lives of my sisters, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely in future.